I went for a walk today.
“So, what’s the big deal?”
It wasn’t a big deal in any way other than I did it this morning instead of just THINKING about doing it.
I took an action step towards a vague goal. That IS a big deal because I have a fear of committing to goals.
I avoid making goals, especially ones that involve fitness, eating healthy and writing. I don’t make goals in these areas because I have a history of regularly failing when I do. Sometimes it seems like there is another part of me that purposely sabotages any efforts towards reaching a goal.
I sometimes physically feel myself shutting down when I consider doing the steps needed to attain the goal.
I don’t know how many times I start to think about doing something towards attaining a goal and suddenly I just feel exhausted and like I will fall asleep on the spot. I’ve went to take a nap and tell myself “I will start (insert action step here) tomorrow when I feel better.” I’m sure this is some sort of weird defense mechanism my subconscious has come up with to stop me, but I don’t know why.
If I had written, eaten healthy and exercised every time I thought about writing, eating healthy and exercising over the course of my life, I’d be a fit, healthy prolific author with multiple novels and no extra body fat.
Instead, because I am a thinker and not a do-er, here I am; an out of shape, overweight, fatigued and frustrated wannabe sitting at my desk eating Chex Mix and drinking diet Coke.
But I did go for a walk today.
I also put a note on my calendar to go for a walk again tomorrow morning, and the morning after that.
Even though I am currently drinking a 12oz can of diet Coke, I did consciously refrain from stopping at the convenience store to fill up my 40oz mug on the way home this morning. Instead I came home and filled that mug up with 40 oz of water and will carry that around with me all day and sip whenever I feel thirsty. Then I will fill it up with water again when it is empty and sip some more. I will continue to do that every day. This action is better than my previous one of getting a “big pop” every time I pass a convenience store with the sign shouting that any size fountain drink is only 79 cents.
Maybe the way to get to point B for me isn’t to declare a goal I know I will never reach. If I just quietly start taking tiny action steps in with my regular daily routine, I will make progress without that goal fearing side of myself realizing what is going on.
Are there other people out there like me? If so, what steps do you take to reach a goal?