What do you do when you just don’t want to do anything?
All weekend I was excited because I knew I only had one pet visit this morning, and would have the rest of the day to work on my blog.
I’m still in the process of figuring out what schedule works best for me, but I had a ton of “to do” items on my calendar. I couldn’t wait to get home to work on them when I was heading to the pet visit.
Pet visit went well. It is for 2 Quaker Parrots and a Cockatiel, they are fun to talk to, whistle to and watch. They love to preen as I talk sweetly to them, and are so entertaining. I was in a good mood when I left. I headed to the store, got the items on my list and headed home. My head was filled with ideas and things I would do when I got home to the computer.
Got home, groceries in and put away, and bantered back and forth with my sweetie. We sat down to our computers and I checked emails, our pet business scheduler and my Google calendar. Then I opened Facebook to see if we had any new messages from applicants to our open pet sitter position.
It was a beeline downhill from there. My feed was filled with posts about prayers for Las Vegas and comments regarding news about the Las Vegas Tragedy. Having not listened to the radio or had television on all weekend (except binge watching on Netflix,) I had no idea what was going on in the world.
I Googled “Las Vegas Tragedy” and was quickly brought up to date about the mass shooting last night at an out in the open country concert. So far 58 dead and over 500 injured. Shooter dead, supposedly from suicide.
D and I watched a couple more videos bringing us up to date on what happened. We both agree it is better to never go to public events anymore. The sad thing is, nobody knows when something like this will happen.
The even sadder thing is that, while we don’t know where or when it might happen, we now know that it WILL happen. Again and again. These needless, tragic events keep happening at workplaces, schools, public transportation venues, malls, churches, night clubs, etc. The list goes on. No place is safe.
D had to leave to do his midday pet visit, so I sat at the computer for a minute trying to compose my thoughts. I stared at the screen but my heart was no longer in it. I just kept hearing the “pop pop pop” in the live video of the beginning of the shooting. I just keep imagining how the people there must have felt when they realized what those pops were. Their good time immediately turned to a nightmare.
Welcome to our world and this terrifying reality that is becoming commonplace. In our “free” country, we now live in fear of random acts of violence on a larger scale than ever before.
My plans for a productive day are shot. I’m just exhausted and glum now. Why bother trying to create a blog that might help others be positive and share kindness when our world is so completely messed up? I don’t feel positive right now. I don’t want to talk to anybody or type a story or network or even read about growing my blog. I just want to curl up and go to sleep and maybe when I wake up it will have all been a dream. But yeah, I know that won’t happen. This is our new reality.
Today I will call my son and call my parents just to say I love them. I will eat something bad for me and take a nap. Maybe later I will go for a walk. I will just “be” today and allow myself this day to mourn for our wounded society.
Maybe tomorrow I will feel like doing something again. But not today. Today I don’t want to do anything